Love’s Course

What feelings can compare

To the way that your face after a long night

Walking in through the door

made me feel

Like my years before me

let me sleep

No part in me wants to admit

That flirting with my past memories will give me bliss

So I won’t do it

My conscious digs deeper down

to keep my subconscious in place

I always thought we thought the same

But no tree grows the same way

I can’t speak on behalf of our souls

But some part of me knows that you couldn’t have been just anyone

Though I told you that before

you could

Our meeting wasn’t a sporadic explosion

of stars

More aligned

And your leaving

was me asking for each four ‘o clock nap to never end

I awake at dawn

My hours spent asleep

In all honesty

I never had anyone give me words for my fears

I feel mute today

Defeated to say the least

That trust hurt me

Never knowing what you might have thought

of my careless-loving-never-looking-back self

It’s a personal punch line

Because I never asked to see your fingers crossed

when I asked for your promises

But maybe you felt as alone as I do now

I can’t blame you

You always altered your affection in my holiday cards

To match my unmatchable love

For you

That’s love

To match one’s love even when you’re blue

In effort to love me

You must have hated yourself

Because the only things we end

are the painful things

The way we tend the garden in our minds

And the strongest love is the one for ourselves

As oppose to the love once blind

Promises are just words

And fleeting feelings forgo words

Fleeting words

are broken promises

You don’t have to be sorry today

What’s lost is yesterday’s

In a course of our life

The beginning will always be

as much a mystery

as the end

Human bodies and Oceans

For why do I push against the tides that want to wash what I’ve written in the sand

And press my body against the cold wall so it won’t change around me

So the sand has forgotten the pictures

The lovely pictures

Of the walls that have surrounded this body

That has changed

If the present wants me, I want it to take me

Like it has

Like it has when it drove me miles from where I wanted to be

If could only let it be

I am my own

And that I’ve written in stones

Even at moments when I was ready to chuck those stones towards the ocean

These human bodies, these oceans

It’s fleeting

Repeat with me

It’s fleeting

It’s fleeting

I will never force my dreams into the ground

And he will not give me the shovel to pound the soil down

One more time

It’s fleeting

I won’t run from what I don’t know

With great courage

Like my human instincts at its best

I will politely ask it take a seat

My fear

Be still, child

Child, my fear is fleeting

Because one day my fear will manifest into my dreams

And I will thank my fear for taking a seat with me

So let it go,

This much you and I know

Don’t let him tie the blindfold around your eyes

Nor take it from his hand

And tie it for yourself

Use your hands and wave

Goodbye

To all the things that want you to push against the tide

Those lovely pictures

Are pictures

And they always will be

And the wall that composed you

Are walls

And they too will always be

And the soil that you pat down will be used for gardens

And blossoming love

I promise child

If there are not enough words to hold your ground

I will use my own to wedge them down into the cracks you’re afraid to fall in

Your visions are vast

Far too much for the world to see

But it too shall pass

And though there is so much love from these human bodies and oceans

It too shall pass

Don’t ever not let that be unknown

Love the range of feelings when you’re alone

Because we are beautiful and alone

And though that may speak out trouble

Focus child on the beauty

Of what has been and what will be

For you are beautiful

And hungry seeking like all humans should be

You are blessed

Don’t turn around to count your footsteps

For what good will that do

It’s fleeting

But don’t let that stop you

Untitled

Don’t make mistakes,
Or you’ll keep making left turns.
Don’t place your head on elbows,
–Only on bones that don’t hurt.
Don’t you know for once I want to go deep sea diving?
Don’t you also want to find the finding-type?
–May be right outside
Post-Hiding
Didn’t think to find knowing what I didn’t want to know
Now at my arms reach
Only to have dug myself knee-deep
In, past feelings
Past feats
You told me you think you lost your twinkle
But that I don’t believe
Because my eyes still pull
To yours like magnets
Not past the attraction
With each scene
You pass me like a hurricane
And leave me with bad dreams
I usually hate the feel of feelings felt
But forget usually as it starts
With you the strongest parts breath up the other parts
That call me down the steps
Into a black hole that have sucked up lovely stars
I’m running still in circles with the wild
And still you took my hand
Didn’t want to know that you saw past what I had said and buried in the sands
So Ive taken words you have thrown at me
And caught onto them like birds
And now I see above all things
What is meant to be will be
Isn’t just a bunch of words

So far you have done it.

My body was cold before I met him

And we crawled

into the bed that had cradled us to sleep

And at nights when I felt that faint fear of flesh

Before me,

Leaving me if I closed my eyes

I couldn’t sleep nor let his hand go

Because if I had let go

I’d swear he’d float above me

Like a sunny day wasted inside,

He’d float above me

Like a missed shooting star

That’s only If I’d let go.

So I didn’t let him float.

Perhaps if priceless chances weren’t used up on the last one,

How steadfast, this could have been

Though could-have-beens

Could with him

I’m sure of this when we’re blazing

When my bones feel the summer

And I’m facing him

All the photos of his faces accumulate

In my corner

Where I cleared old things

To create these spaces

Though all the while fear similar to his own

Cant play it by ear

And it echoes on

:Yield before crashing

Yield,

before we’re nailing in photos of each other into memory before we sleep

Yield

before

We crash

And the impact is so strong

That we can’t come apart

Locked into space

Like a wrinkle on a paper that will not go undone

Fear is similar to love

And sometimes I fear,

I’ll lose

What I’m still not sure is there for the taking

Or if love making is simply love making

I wonder how much fear I exhale

When we’re tangled in bed

When his lips kiss the top of my head

When I’m without his certainty

I’m never so sure

And I’m puzzled for days

And those days I’m making connections

Betweens those things that upset me

Only to take him down with it

To take it apart before it’s completed

Because we’ve surpassed too many stages of comfort

For me to call out defeated

Before I could even remember his voice

There was comfort

Before there was a clear face to his name

Comfort

And though perhaps it’s not by choice

I fear it all the same

There’s no comfort in ending

No way

There’s no comfort in ending

No way

I continue to chant

i’m stirring with nightmares

Hoping each time

He’ll wake me

From this dim faded stage

Where roses pilled up

At my feet

And all that’s left is a memory

And for me to take a bow

How can I forget this?

This Fleeting bliss

All thats left is the crowds clapping now

If seasons change,

so shouldn’t this

He turns to me

And with a kiss

He Repeatedly makes me forget it

Stars Can’t Shine Forever

If you speak my language

You’re speaking love

My language holds shovels

These love words use shovels

And these shovels

Dig holes that

My counterpart, though possessive

Have fallen into

What I’ve dug.

I didn’t know that the flow

Of feelings

Can feel like this

Like water

It ripples

Over and over

Love that is

Over and over

Love that is

I didn’t mean to be the me I was running

from

But the only difference is

–I’m trying

Not to scar my face

As I’m running backwards

With my eyes stuck on you.

It’s just I feel I have to reference nature

When I’m in

Love with myself

I feel secure when I’m being held by you

I won’t be sorry for how I’m feeling

But I’m sorry I tipped the stars

To align for me

For once

It worked for a while

At least for sometime.

I’m falling in holes

Free falling into holes

Deep holes

That buried people

Not treasures

I want to shine for you

But stars can’t shine forever